Russia's Hidden Heart
by CrimsonLeather
Summary: Russia loves his little Baltic friend, Lithuania, but he doesn't know how to tell him that, and resorts to hurting him and making him his toy... yet it can only be him.  A short RussiaxLithuania fic.


There are so many things in life that I want you to know, yet I couldn't find the right words to tell you. It's so fragile, these things. Little things, simple things. Things easy to comprehend, yet difficult to understand. Things we find in sunflower petals, and broken hinges, and little light we see every day. They don't have to come in fields or shiny new set ups. The sun doesn't have to shine to make it all right.

I don't need any one else in my life. No, I only need you.

But I can't tell you that.

My mind doesn't let me, even if my heart aches every time I try to touch you. It aches to let you know how I really feel.

This heart, hidden deep within me, in a dark pit beneath a snow-covered entity; it begs for you to know that I…

"Russia."

I wake up from my pondering. My hand slid down the frozen window from which I peered out to see a stormy winter evening. Little lights blink and flicker, and soon die out in the night. My people… where will we find refuge in this wrath of winter?

"What is it?" I asked. I turned to look at you.

"It's…" you stuttered. "It's getting late, sir. We start early tomorrow."

"It is tomorrow, Lithuania," I said. "It's too late for me to rest now."

"But sir…"

"I don't feel like resting at all."

You flinched at the tone I gave you.

_No, no, that's not what I meant. I didn't want you to feel scared, I…_

"Why don't you get some sleep, Lithuania? Your eyes are dark and sullen."

You looked at me and smiled sadly. "You know very well that I don't sleep regularly anymore, sir."

You don't?

"I see."

You stood there, shaking. The stench of fear leaked out from your presence, I could smell it from where I stood. Why do you fear me so, Lithuania? Am I so difficult to please?

I walked towards you and held my hand out. You winced.

_How will I show you that I care?_

"Toris," I whispered.

"Don't… don't call me by that name."

"What is it that you want from me?"

You looked up at me. "What do you mean? I don't ask anything of you."

"Do you want me to go away?"

"Russia, I—"

"Answer me."

My heart is hidden, deep inside. The tight chains that engulf it tighten even more as I seep in what I predict. There are times when I think that it is dead, that this heart I own no longer beats.

But I only hope that it still has rhythm…

For you.

"…I can't."

My head began to hurt. I grabbed at your neck, and I can hear the sweet, sickening sound you make as you gag for air.

"R-Russia…"

"Tell me, Toris. Tell me, and be honest with me…" I leaned in closer to your face and felt a snicker paint my lips. "Do you want me to disappear?"

You looked at me intently, hopelessly choking in my grip. Your eyes soon give away, and your mouth trembled.

"Y-yes."

How many times have I asked you this painful question? I can't count. My memory fails me. But every time I ask you, your answers always kill me.

"I want independence… I want my freedom."

"But you are free, Toris."

"Don't call me by that-!"

"You don't need to be independent from me. I can take care of you, all three of you."

"But we're all scared shitless, Russia, c-can't you see that?"

I loosened my grip. You stepped back and held your neck and coughed.

"I know very well you are. But I am no threat."

You looked back at me, bewildered by my answer. _But isn't it true?_

"Not a threat? You don't know what you're talking about," you said, tears welling up in your eyes.

_No, don't cry…_

"I have had too much threat to last a lifetime!"

_I'm sorry, Lithuania… please don't talk anymore…_

"I-I don't know what to do anymore, Russia… I can't take it anymore."

_Lithuania?_

"I don't have anything else waiting in this world."

_Don't you have me? I'm still here for you._

"Sometimes I just want to drop dead."

_I don't want that. I don't think I can take that._

"Wouldn't that be better, Russia? You won't have anything to think about! Russia, Russia, your people—look at your people! They suffer, they starve, they want you gone. I wonder which is better, Russia. Probably it's better you go away, huh? But, no. I'm a weaker country. If I go, you might change."

_Then, without you beside me, I'd rather disappear. What's the point of living? I'll give this responsibility to someone else and go away with you._

"Don't you see who the threat is?"

_Yes. Clearly._

"I want to hate you, Russia! But I can't…"

You shook your head and dropped to your knees. You hid your face behind your hands, and you cried.

I couldn't move. If I move to you, I will only hurt you. I know that very well. One touch will change everything. Another scar will burn in your back. More blood will smear my hands—your blood.

"Lithuania…"

_I love you. I want you._

You sobbed hard.

"You are so painful and cold, Russia…"

I am hurt by your words. These hands want to do work, and they want your body. My heart, it screams for me to stop and think about it. I'll hurt you. Oh yes, I'll hurt you. I don't want to, but I will.

I bent down and put my hands on your shoulders. I felt your arms quiver as you wrapped them around yourself.

"I'm scared," you whispered.

I stroked your hair for a while as I studied your tear-soaked face. You looked away so that I wouldn't see how red your eyes were, but I couldn't help but brush my lips on your cheeks and then to your neck.

"Russia…"

"Let me take you, Lithuania…"

"Hurt me…"

I glanced at your eyes which were staring at me, those eyes filled with fear yet they seemed to beg.

I scoffed. "What's up with you tonight? You don't beg on my other attempts."

"Just hurt me…"

You placed your hands on my back, pulling me closer to you and pressed your lips on mine. My heart… it skipped a beat. There was still rhythm. But something didn't feel right. I pulled back.

"What is this?"

You didn't say a word and looked away. Your lips trembled.

I was lost. As much as it hurts, I thought you hated me. Then you suddenly act on your own, when you wouldn't do anything when I would do everything so you would.

"Are you playing with me?"

Your eyes widened. You quickly turned your head to me. "N-no, I-!"

"Whatever, it doesn't matter anyway."

I didn't give you enough time to react and pushed you down on the carpeted floor. I pressed my lips on your mouth and quickly let my tongue in. You had shut your eyes and whimpered in the kiss. That sweet voice… I want to hear it more.

Your tongue cautiously brushed on mine, your hands holding tightly on my shoulders. I drew my tongue from your lips to your neckline, nibbling my way down. Your uniform was in the way, so I hurriedly unbuttoned it off you. You whimpered as you watched me; I can feel your eyes staring at me—eyes so cold and miserable. When will I ever feel your love?

"R-Russia…"

My eyes kept their gaze on your face as my tongue felt its way to your chest then to your nipple. I traced around it and nipped it, and you let out a gasp.

"Oh, please…"

I don't understand. I nipped, I bit, I pulled, yet you kept on asking for more… wanting more. Is there something wrong, Lithuania?

"Please, Russia…" you whispered as your hand stroked my frost-colored hair, and then your slender fingers caressed my face.

I held your hand as I pressed the hard mount down, and you gasped.

Your hands trembled as they reached for my coat and began to unbutton me, and I let it fall from my shoulders. I undid my undershirt and slid big sister's scarf from my neck, and I was bare. I went back to your face and licked your lips. Without remorse, you licked back and put your arms around my neck, one of your hands stroking my nape. You let your tongue in my mouth as I entered yours, and we danced. I started rocking on you, back and forth, and you moaned. My hands felt their way down your sweating body, slowly making their way to your belt, undoing all the leather and the cloth in the way, until all I felt was skin in my grasp. Supple, warm, smooth skin…

"Take me now…"

I looked at you. "Who are you to order me around?"

"No one, sir… I am yours…"

I unzipped and pulled my pants down, kissing my way down your body, until I reached your thighs. Your breathing began to grow faster as you watched me. I ran my tongue down to the tip of your length; you winced. It twitched.

I sat up and towered over you, holding both your arms up as I positioned myself. You wrapped your legs around my waist, and I noticed your cheeks turn a deeper shade of pink than it already was in.

I neared your entrance, and pushed my way in. You moaned out loud, your eyes were shut tight. A tear was visible at each side of your eyes. I had to let you get used to my size, but I just couldn't wait for long. I needed to work. And slowly, I pulled then pushed back in. Back and forth, back and forth; you moaned at every thrust.

"Russia..!"

My anger, my frustration… I had to let it all out. I didn't want to hurt you so much, but to whom else could I show you these feelings?

Yet why can't I tell you how I love you?

"Damn… damn..!" I muttered audibly through gritted teeth, thrusting deeper and deeper into you. "Damn..! Damn it all!"

You gasped and screamed voicelessly, but you heard me… and you held the hands that held yours captive. Your touch was so gentle amidst my rage…

My hands loosened, and you sat up enough to embrace me and kiss my face as I rocked us on the floor. Then you tightly hugged me, stroking my back, whispering and moaning melodiously in my ears. And I looked unto the floor where you lay, and I saw that it was soaked—both with your sweat and your blood. I felt a pang in my chest; your wounds have opened again.

"They hurt, Russia… but I try not to mind…" you told me through intakes of breath. "No, not now…"

"Lithuania…"

"I'm right here, Russia… I won't always be, but I'm right here, right now."

_Don't leave me. What will I do when you're gone?_

I scoffed. "You talk too much."

You fell quiet, and I kissed your neck, and sucked on it. You tilted your head to give me more space to place my marks on you.

"M-may I move..?"

I licked the red mark on your neck and nodded. "Whatever."

I lay down and watched you. You placed your hands on my chest and you started moving on my length.

"Ah… ah…"

You moved faster, your moans got louder… then you sat up straight as your breathing sped up. I reached for the tip of your length and started teasing.

"Ah..! Russia, I'm..!"

"Not so fast," I said, "I'll send you there, myself."

I pushed you back down on the floor, rocking on you harder than a moment ago. You curved back and gasped. You moaned sweetly, begging me for release.

"I'm almost there…"

"Russia, please..!"

"I'm coming…"

"I can't—ah!"

I felt warm liquid on my body. I can smell its sweet scent. And I can tell you felt my release inside of you…

"Russia… it's so hot…"

"I know," I panted out. I suddenly felt tired.

"Russia?"

I lay my head on your shoulder and panted. I felt so light-headed, I couldn't move away from you.

You stroked my hair and kissed my ear. Then you whispered to me…

"I'll always be by your side…"

_Lithuania… I love you… I always have…_

"My side… will you love me, then?"

I looked at your torn face, at your sad eyes. You neared your face and kissed my lips, but you didn't answer.

"Rest now, sir…"

I put my head back down and closed my eyes. I didn't know what to feel, but I was content. I didn't want to think anymore. My vision began to dim.

_I love you… I love you…_

I couldn't say it out loud. I just let it repeat in my head.

And yet, you surprise me.

As sleep began to blanket me, you suddenly whispered:

"I'll never leave you, Russia. Because, I do…"

And I closed my eyes, and smiled.


End file.
